It’s time to stop reading news again.

I do this about once a month or so, I stop going to news websites – they’re just too damn depressing. I’ll cheat a little and go to happynews.com but that’s about it. Radio or TV? Nope they’re banished from my realm as well. News is business and they have to sell it, so sensationalism and tragedy sell… and missing blondes get headlines, but missing guys like me don’t. Sure, people go missing everyday but when a cute blonde goes missing THAT’S news, America’s T&A is at stake here for Christ’s sake! Don’t get me wrong I feel horrible for her and her family, I don’t know what I would do if one of my kids or wife disappeared, and would be grateful for any and all coverage I could muster for their safe return. But enough is enough and it’s depressing. After a week or so my outlook will improve greatly proving the adage, “ignorance is bliss” - gimme bliss any day.

Today I learned that:

Copenhagen may move the city's famous Little Mermaid statue out of the reach of vandals and tourists. Sounds like a good idea, people just don’t know how to act anymore. “The statue has been beheaded twice. Its arm has been amputated. Hooligans have doused it in paint several times. Three years ago, vandals used explosives to blow its off its perch.” …nice. And here I thought Europeans were better behaved that us. Not too bad, but who knew?

A woman in Florida allowed a neighbor to molest her son for $600 in hush money. They’re preparing a special place in hell for her as you read this. What the hell is wrong with us when our children’s biggest advocates and protectors become their biggest threat? See my past post about God, seems relevant again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

Speaking of which: There was a movie trailer I saw a while ago for Bruce All Mighty. It began with the testosterone-filled voice talent asking, “What would you do if you had God’s powers for one day?” Well I sure as hell wouldn’t give Jennifer Anniston bigger tits, that’s for sure. (Brad may disagree, but then again I’m with Brad on this one - Angelina over Jennifer is a no brainer.) Good premise, crappy execution.

Given 24 hours to wield the power of God as I wished? Sweet. Anyone who would otherwise wake with the intent to kill to another would die in his or her sleep. I figure conservatively 10% of the world’s population would die that night. Anyone who has or will have molested a child, raped, abused the elderly, been cruel to an animal, fatal heart attack, prisons could just cement over the windows to become mausoleums. Lie and steal do you? Well not anymore searing migraines upon each infraction should convert you in a short spell. Pollute the environment? Cancer, unless you atone and clean the environment in proportion to your abuses. You get the picture…it’s time someone paid attention and began to wield absolute power for the victims.

'Don't Mess with Texas' - why bother??

It's official; Texas is the stupidest state in the union. Police in Texas are arresting people for public drunkenness while drunk in a bar! Aren't bars privately owned, and therefore private property? Sitting outside the bar and arresting people as they leave would be bad enough but this ridiculous. I am completely embarrassed for the residents of Texas who have enough sense to understand how foolish this is.

It was reported, "Undercover agents in Texas are arresting people inside bars who seem to be drunk in a new controversial police tactic.
Texas Alcohol and Beverage Commission agents said they are going undercover in bars around Texas and taking intoxicated people into custody. The first sting operation was conducted in a Dallas suburb, where agents arrested 30 people for public intoxication in bars, according to a Reuters report. Officials hope the crackdown will keep people from leaving bars and driving drunk or committing a crime. 'Being in a bar does not exempt people from the state laws against public drunkenness', an official said in a report."

Well now the rest of the world understands that maybe we are just a bunch of immature idiots, and our Texan leader is just another clown minding the circus. And yes, this is one more reason why we educated, elitist, liberals living here on the coast look down on you central dwelling fools.

"Don't mess with Texas" my ass. We don't need to - you're messed up enough without our help.

But then again, if this is a good idea to you maybe then you should be kept from drinking. Maybe they should just declare Texas a 'dry' state and be done with it.

The Lion Can Sleep Soundly Tonight

Three women, whose father wrote "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," have won their battle for royalties.

I read about this last year, and thought to myself there’s no way these poor women can win against the entertainment industry no matter how right and deserving they may be. Man am I glad I was wrong.

“Three impoverished South African women, whose father wrote "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," have won a six-year battle for royalties in a landmark case that could affect musicians worldwide.

No one is saying how many millions will go to the daughters of the late composer Solomon Linda, who died in poverty from a curable kidney disease in 1962 at age 53. But the family's settlement with New York-based Abilene Music, which gives Linda's heirs 25 percent of past and future royalties, has broad implications.

Linda composed his now-famous song in 1939 in one of the squalid hostels that housed black migrant workers in Johannesburg. According to family lore, he wrote the song in a matter of minutes and was inspired by his childhood tasks of chasing prowling lions from the cattle he herded.

It was sung, in true Zulu tradition, a cappella. Linda's innovation was to add his falsetto voice, an overlay of haunting "eeeeeees," to the baritone and bass main line. To this day, this style is called Mbube in South Africa.

The song sold more than 100,000 copies over a decade, probably making it Africa's first big pop hit. In the 1950s, at a time when apartheid laws robbed blacks of negotiating rights, Linda sold worldwide copyright to Gallo Records of South Africa for 10 shillings -- less than $1.70.

Gallo also tried to sell the work in the United States, but American folk singer Pete Seeger had adapted a version that he called "Wimoweh." Then it became one of the best known songs in the world as "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," attributed to George Weiss, Hugo Peretti and Luigi Creatore.

Owen Dean, South Africa's leading copyright lawyer, argued successfully for Linda's family that under the British Imperial Copyright Act of 1911, which was in force in South Africa at the time Linda composed his song, all rights revert to the heirs, who are entitled to renegotiate royalties.

"Now the way has been shown," Dean told The Associated Press. "Others in similar circumstances can fight such injustice, and I have no doubt that there are other people in this position." The 1911 Act affects all countries that were part of the British Empire at that time -- a third of the world.

It remains to be seen how the settlement with Abilene, which holds the copyright to the popular songs that grew from Linda's composition, will affect his family. Abilene music could not immediately be reached for comment.

Of his three surviving daughters, only the youngest has a job, as a nurse, and she still lives in the family home in Soweto, a satellite suburb set up for black workers under apartheid. Her sisters never reached high school. One runs a home-based grocers. The other recently lost her job cleaning a doctor's office and supports a daughter who gets occasional work cleaning homes. Linda's fourth daughter died of AIDS in her 30s in 2002 as the lawsuit dragged on, without money to buy drugs that could have saved her life.

In the 1970s, Linda's widow signed over the rights to Abilene.
The song's captivating rhythm poured from the soundtrack in Disney's blockbuster musical "The Lion King" -- one of at least 15 movies in which it has featured. "The musical was netting millions of dollars and Solomon Linda's daughters were trying to survive as domestic servants, not earning enough to feed their families" Dean told the AP.

Dean's tactics included winning a court order last year freezing Disney's rights to income in South Africa from legendary trademarks including Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Winnie the Pooh pending resolution of the dispute.

That appears to have been a turning point, though Disney never was sued in the court case.”

Hmmm...things may be getting better after all. Sweet.

Rats!

Ok, maybe it’s because I was a child who grew up reading Peanuts on the weekends, and their occasional paperback as well; or maybe as my wife suggests, I’m just an evolutionary throwback when it comes to my vocabulary, but either way I still use the exclamation “Rats!”

With two very young children I feel it serves as an acceptable alternative to ‘crap, damn, shit, fuck, goddamnit’, or any other expletive one would like to keep from their children as long as they can. But my wife bristles at its use. But how bad could it possibly be? I mean Charles Schultz’ Charlie Brown let a good “RATS!” fly now and again, and it was subsequently rendered immortal in the comics across the world as well – so how bad could it really be?

She says no one uses that phrase anymore and seems opposed the image it creates in her mind - filthy, diseased, writhing rats. Well I have to agree its not a pleasant thought, but that isn’t my intention either. And as for being an ‘outdated expression’ I have to do some digging, it’s not like I’m using ’23 Skidoo!’

Rats:
An expression of annoyance, frustration, disappointment
O.K. that seems to capture my intent.

I’ll have to keep digging, initial searching of ‘outdated expressions' or 'slang’ on Google didn’t help too much so far - Rats!

My Own Celestial Zen Garden

Life, or at least my weekday early morning life, is getting better. By the time I get to work the sun is just peeking above the horizon and the sky is turning wonderful shades of pink, orange, and red. No longer do I trudge from my car through the parking lot cloaked in complete darkness – I have dawn's early light to keep me company now. As an added benefit as dawn grows brighter each day it filters out many of the fainter stars leaving me a sky with the moon, a few bright stars, and a planet or two thrown in for good measure – a celestial Zen garden if you will. I like it; I like it a lot.

But I’m still not a ‘morning person’ so don’t even try to cut me off on the turnpike – if I have to suffer you will to.

Yeast to the Rescue!

A little history first. Many years ago I attempted winemaking. One batch done with friends was a disaster which found it’s rest in a storm drain, the second group effort produced potable (but not necessarily palatable) apple wine. I then tried making mead for myself which did a little better. I still have a few bottles remaining of one of the two batches and it’s remarkably good now. Go figure…

Flash forward 10 years or so... I have the bug again. I want to make my own wine, but not just make my own wine, but make it well. Well enough to satisfy myself and whatever harsh, unrealistic standards I decide to impose upon my endeavor.

So armed with my notebook of printed resources and many years of drinking good wine under my belt I set off. It’s been a while and I have learned that the same precision that I used to mix darkroom chemicals and develop prints would have been a good discipline in winemaking too. So to get my feet wet again I was given a wine kit for Christmas to make 6 gallons of Cabernet Sauvignon. So far it’s doing very well I must say. I’ve extended the 28-day kit schedule to several months and added a few more ingredients and extra steps that professional winemakers employ to help assure a reasonably good wine. Hopefully next year I can begin with crushed grapes and get a fuller more robust must to work with. As it sits quietly in my basement thinking about what it wants to be when it grows up, I’ve now begun label designing. I decided my Cabernets will be called The Fifth Humor™, seems to me the ancient Greeks overlooked a vital element.

So how does yeast figure here? You may ask - good question. Feeling fairly confident the Cab was doing well and that I had learned a bit from it I decided to make my own cranberry wine for next year’s holidays. You can ferment just about anything so why not make cranberry wine? I mixed the must, added sugar to get the specific gravity (S.G.) high enough to allow the yeast to create alcohol, then some tannin to help it attain some astringency and avoid a light fruity wine. So far so good - or so I thought. I started the yeast culture in a Pyrex glass and pitched the foaming yeast into the cranberry must. Next morning – nothing; not even the slightest indication there was a fermentation supposed to be occurring in the jug. I read up on fermentations and waited patiently for a few days. Nothing.

I created a new yeast batch using a more robust yeast strain, added some yeast nutrient and slowly added it to the must as directed by a few home wine makers. Again nothing.

The following week I could see the lazy yeast at the bottom of the jug but it wasn’t doing a darn thing. So deciding not to let my investment of time and organic cranberry juice be a waste I tried one more time. I mixed up the remainder of the original RC212 yeast pack, added some nutrient and slowly added some must to the Pyrex holding the foaming yeast. It worked! The foaming continued, so over the next day, a few ounces at a time, I added more of the must to the yeast mix until the whole 1.5 gallons were happily fermenting. I so totally rock.

Fermentation has now ended, I racked the wine to a clean jug and topped it off with the extra wine and sealed the gallon. I’ll watch it and in a month or so I’ll re-rack and take another S.G. reading to calculate the alcohol content. Now I just need a name...

Have We Become Forgotten?

Do I believe in God? No – not today.
Have I? No – not really.
Will I one day? Guess that depends how well the drive home on the Turnpike goes tonight...but don’t hold your breath.

Anyhow... reading the oh-so-happy international news it occurred to me: God's parents should have bought him a hamster when he was a kid so he could have learned a little more about responsibility. Maybe then this world wouldn't be in such a disgraceful mess – unless we are the hamster.... crap – lets' just hope the hamster was named 'Mars'. Either way if (s)he does exist he's gonna get a load of crap from me one day, I want some answers for the shoddy stewardship he's kept. Screw that, I'm just gonna kick his ass - for the children in Darfur alone.

Sure, Nature is a great achievement, but why cut corners when it came to Man? Seems like he should have gone through another prototype or two before rolling us of the assembly line. Maybe that's why sooner or later we all get recalled.

Maybe he's a teen now and forgotten about us. Maybe one day he'll look into the box of junk in the garage, see us sitting there dusty and broken like an old, now-forgotten, once-favorite telescope. He'll pick us up, clean off the dust, replace broken or missing parts, give us a nice shining and put us on a shelf in a place of prominence.

Lets all hope that if there is a God, he's heading to the garage right now. And lets all wait out there for him so we can kick his ass.